As most of you know, those who follow my personal accounts or are subscribed to my e-mails (which, if you aren't, go click the star button at the top right to be added... like... now!) somewhat know the reasons why I have been putting everything on the back burner, but if you are out of loop, let me clear things up...
"Let your emotions take the spotlight"
And WHY would I do that you might ask? I'm glad you asked! Let me explain...
So many of us, including myself... DEFINITELY including myself, like to put on a "strong" front like nothing is bothering us and that we are on top of the world... even when in all reality - our world is crashing and burning. Society wants to call it our "ego" but let's be real, society is the one who told us we are obligated to have this front in order to make it in this world. But you know what ends up happening when we act as if our darker emotions aren't important or useful? They pile up, pile up and pile up until we EXPLODE... but I have a secret for you... facing your emotions and letting them take the spotlight is actually a lot healthier for you, your mind, your body, your spirit and your surroundings. When you ultimately let your emotions take over, you're able to truly feel what is needed to be felt and you will always come out stronger.. stronger than even your "strong" front will allow.
Two weeks ago, today, I was involved in a very horrific car accident... I don't know why they call it an accident when in a case like this, it was definitely not an "accident". I was on my way home from getting my nails done after work, as I was waiting at a red light - drying my nails against the blowing heat - I looked in my rear-view mirror to see a large truck coming full speed at my car... but let me rewind a little bit...
Weather had been pretty snowy on Friday and Saturday, but by Sunday it was practically spring (if you live in a Southern state, you know what I'm talking about) so my car wasn't really used all weekend. Come Monday morning when I was headed out to work, my mom's SUV was behind my little PT Cruiser in our driveway so I figured, eh what the heck - I might as well drive hers to work today instead of trying to move cars around at 8:15am, right? Fast forward to 7:00pm, "accident" time, I saw the truck speeding towards my *moms car... knowing he wasn't stopping, I immediately stopped drying my nails and grabbed onto the steering wheel as tight as I could - bracing myself for what was coming. Rocking back and forth between the car next to me and the drunk driver that hit me, I was on one of the worst roller coasters you could create. If the car next to me wasn't there - I would have flipped, if I was in my little PT - I probably wouldn't be here today... as glass was flying everywhere and the driver seat coming off of it's hinges, I was very lucky to have walked away with very few injuries, some long lasting but for the situation that occurred... God really took care of me. I don't want to get into any more detail of that horrific night or the weeks following, but the pain is still lingering in my body and in my memories.
Trying to heal, I just haven't been myself. Not just that I am fearful when driving or that I am unmotivated from having to stay rested, but the overall dark emotion that is getting me that I can't pinpoint why it is there. Instead of using the little energy that I have on trying to force myself to be happy or to motivated or to just be, me, isn't what I am focused on. The way for me to heal is to let this emotion take it's toll on me, let the pain set in and focus instead on one thing at a time. Sure, my situation is a little different... but I have dealt with dark energies/emotions for many many years, I know how this works on a daily basis. There are tons of ways to heal, every person has a different method, but what I have learned that works for almost* everyone, are baby basic steps.
The first step being: understanding the emotion and where it's coming from. Once you know what is hurting, try figuring out why it's hurting... this is very hard and sometimes can't be solved... but knowing that a stronger emotion is around is key. Are you sad? Mad? Hurt? Envious? Distraught? Disturbed? Unmotivated? Unhappy? Whatever it may be, know that is there - hiding only makes it worse, which brings me to the second step...
Face it. Face it by letting it take full control over your mind and body. Soak in it. Allow yourself to acknowledge each emotion that is running through you and let it affect you. Cry. Scream. Sleep. Workout. Write. Read. Talk to someone. Go for a walk. Whatever it is that helps you to calm down in a positive way, do it, but don't try to overpower that emotion while it is taking control, that will only make it try to take over stronger later on. Sometimes it will latch onto you and pitch a tent to stay for a while, that's fine, let it. I'll be honest, this isn't always pleasant... it hurts and it will feel like you aren't yourself or you are letting others around you down but I promise you, this is the most positive thing you can do for yourself and those surrounding you during a painful day/situation.
The last step, at least the last 'major' step, is to ease back into reality. Once you have allowed the dark emotion to run it's course, you must allow yourself to be in control again. NEVER cut it short. This is a problem I have when it comes to my sticky situations; I get annoyed with being the backup in my body and try to take back the spotlight, but if you and your emotions haven't settled what needs to be done, it will continue to eat at you until it's finished. This may take a while or it may happen over night, again - every one is different. Start slowly adding things back into your every day routine whether it be a new addition that you believe will make the process run smoother or it may just be simple routines that you've always done.
I know this sounds ridiculous and it sounds like a dangerous animal seeking it's attack, you might think I'm on something and this is complete b.s. but I promise it is truly a great practice. Next time you are feeling a dark emotion come on, try it... see the difference it makes. Sometimes you need to give into yourself and your emotions in order to get back on track with other things... allow yourself to feel, process and revive yourself afterwards.
I am not the best at this at all times but in this situation, my "every day" routine has been shattered and it has been very difficult for me to ease back into reality... of course I have gone back to work, driven myself places (though it isn't easy or relaxing by any means), I have tried to push through my injuries and start recovery, I have prayed for myself and the other victim and I am slowly but surely getting back into the things that make me "happy". This may take a while, even though it is annoying to me, it's necessary and okay. Take the time that you need... don't cut it short, you have every right to take all the time in the world to better yourself. I do apologize for being MIA and I apologize for continuing to be MIA, I had/have so much motivation and things to get out but my heart, mind and body aren't ready to dive back in... I hope I will very soon.
I have so many posts to publish and expansions to announce, but bare with me as I learn to ease back into my reality... help me to find my motivation again. I would love to hear how you have handled your emotions, or how your emotions have handled you. How did you find peace with it? When did you get back on your feet? Who or what prompted the revival? Let me know!
As always,
Xoxo, MJ