***this post was originally written several, several weeks ago but postponed due to my series of unfortunate events... though the timeline is a little off, the content is still very relevant***
Think of a time when someone treated you like actual G A R B A G E... maybe it just a one time thing that stuck with you, maybe it happened too many times to keep count. Have someone in mind? Have an ongoing list? If only you could read my list... Lord have mercy.
But more importantly, how did you take that situation? Did you get revenge? Continued to get stepped on like a door mat? Maybe you just smiled and said "okay" and kept going? Maybe you took your anger out on someone or something else? But most likely, you took what they did or said to heart and changed your complete mindset on yourself and your outlook on your life, right? Any of those sound familiar?
As I came into this weekend, I was feeling very confident in my own skin, I was oddly happy for no obvious reason which has been missing for quite some time, I was ready to take on the world... until, you guessed it, someone purposely ruined that which in turn ultimately changed my viewpoint on myself yet again as it has on and off since I was a child. But it's Sunday night and I refuse to go into the new week feeling this way so instead I took some me time; I watched the premier of Hayley Ever After (a new TLC show featuring Hayely Paige, a must!!), took a long hot shower, applied a hair mask and lavished my lashes with Latisse (be on the lookout for updates on this lash journey)... now my glow is back and it's time to settle this ugly feeling that has made it's way in.
Today's world is full of comparison, full of competition, full of judgments, full of threats, full of never ending negative energy. Everyone feels that they need to be in the center of attention but they don't realize that there are many stages with multiple spotlights on each so they try to unscrew the light bulbs to your spotlight instead. A random analogy, but it makes sense... I hope.
I won't get into how I was treated in my past or how many people treated me like I was the prey to their life, but for today's topic sake... let's just say it's been the same people for the same reasons since early childhood. If you are from a small town, you may know the feeling... it S U C K S and sometimes you just can't get away from it no matter how hard you try to avoid it! I remember coming home in tears when I was younger; asking to move schools, move towns, move states to get away from the ugliness that was thrown at me. Family members would try to cheer me up by saying that "they are just kids" or they "don't mean it" or my favorite, "they are just jealous/threatened of you"... none of those answers made me feel any better but it was worth a try. I began to believe that all of the awful things that were said to me were true... how could they not be? Even today, in our mid-twenties (pathetic that this is still a relevant subject at this age... when will people mature?), when people tell me that I am an "embarrassment" or that "no one likes me" or rant about so many adjectives that do not describe me whatsoever or the ugly rumors that people love to create and believe, how am I not supposed to walk around feeling like all of that is true? But as the years pass by; instead of firing back, I will continue and try to take everything that is said to me with a smile and a calm response. I tell myself that I won't let someone dictate my life for me when they have no clue half of the things that I have and continue to deal with on a daily basis. But sometimes smiling through it only makes it hurt worse and replaying the dangerous words become easier.
But it's finally starting to get old. It's beginning to not phase me. It's beginning to make me laugh. Are we still in middle/high school? At what age will this not be a thing anymore? When we are 30? When we are 55? Hopefully by the time we are in our 80's, people will learn to be mature and to keep to themselves or maintaince the peace, but if not, we have to know ourselves and the best way to handle being treated like sh*t and instead, feel like we are champagne!!!
This morning's church sermon was a clear sign that this was the topic that needed to be discussed today (and hopefully my "enemies" are reading, doubtful). Our pastor talked about loving our enemies... a common phrase in the Bible and the Christian lifestyle that we are supposed to live. But in the sermon, he read an excerpt out of a book that was talking about how "loving your enemies" is such a major practice that we are told to put into play, but we don't and we definitely don't teach our family members to either. A sad truth, right? But he also mentioned boundaries... sure we can love our enemies and learn to not be bitter towards them but that doesn't mean we have to take them back into our lives or be a blessing in theirs. Two certain people came to mind when this was being taught... the conversations and actions replayed over and over in my head.
People will try to ruin your life 101 ways before the week is over, it's just a matter of if you let them or not. We have to understand that negative words/thoughts may be easier to process and remember, but reminding ourselves of positivity takes the same amount of time to say. Taking care of your mind, body and spirit are very important steps in creating a life that cannot be broken by words from others but it does take time. In what ways do you need to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin that can be your get away when life gets you down by the effect of others? Is it an action you take upon yourself? Is it an activity you go do? Is it a practice you have created? Is it simple talking to yourself? Is it just taking time to reflect? Is it confiding in others? Everyone is different, this isn't a true or false question, just something to think about.
When thinking about this topic throughout the day, I tried to reflect on how I handle these situations but I also asked a few people who are close to me how they handle when someone makes them feel less than... their initial thoughts and what picks them back up, here are some of their answers:
Friend 1: My initial thought: 'wow, you're probably right'
What I do: think 'you're clearly a pos for trying to make me feel like sh*t so when I go 3 miles ahead of what you thought I couldn't do, I'll wait for my applause'
Friend 2:
My initial thought: 'hahaha, oh ok'
What I do: continue to do whatever it was I was doing when they decided to say that nonsense and not give a dam* what they think they know because obviously they are just a sorry soul. Unless someone near and dear to me decided they need to have an intervention with me because of something I am doing wrong, I don't listen to bs from anyone else... they just see something that may be intimidating or something happened in their own life that just so happened to cross paths with mine so they cook up these irrational thoughts and blurt them out to make themselves feel on top of the world, but sike.
Friend 3:
My initial thought: I allow myself to be upset and ask myself 'how does this make me feel'
What I do: I acknowledge the feeling for about five-10 minutes and then focus on what I'm going to do to keep it from bothering me. The biggest thing I've had to learn is that when someone speaks negatively about you, it's a reflection on them and not you. It's hard to keep in mind, words can cut deep. But I always remind myself that I am better than what someone else things of me, I allow my actions to speak for my words. I know who I am, why should I let one other person think about me stop me from being the person I know I am? their opinions will not influence those who know me. Their opinions will not stop me, and honey if you have a hater - that means you're doing something right!!
Friend 4:
My initial thought: I think back to things I've done, or that someone says that I have done and ask why they made that judgement on me.
What I do: I like to make my bed. Something about making my bed makes me feel... complete or like I can start fresh. Don't ask me why but it's always helped. I also like to work out or meditate, it let's me release the energy that it would have taken me to get upset about it so instead of channeling a negative energy that they want me to have, I turn it into something positive for my mind and body. Another thing I like to do is
Maybe you can relate to some of these reactions, maybe yours are completely the opposite, but what I am trying to get at is that what these people say to you do not define you in any way, shape or form... you know who you are, what you're capable of and what is inside your heart... not them. Like my friends have said (and now you understand why they are my friends, y'all are so P O W E R F U L!), yeah those words sting at first but you have to sit back and realize that these demons are winning if you let them define you so please don't let that happen. You are strong. You are capable. You are YOU. They just needed something to make themselves feel empowered for two seconds but it won't last. Are you going to let them tell you what you are or are you going to continue to be who you know you are?
As you go into this week, take some time to meditate on this subject. Think of some times that your "friends", enemies or even random strangers have treated you poorly... what did they do, how did you respond? Maybe you aren't ready to forgive those who hurt you, maybe you are ready to set those boundaries or maybe you just need time to figure out what it is that will keep you powerful in your own ways for the future. It's time to get past your past and dive head first into a new world of positive change. Breathe. Talk to your mind, body and spirit. Next time you are faced with a situation where you being stepped on like a mat, try the "5 year rule": will this matter in 5 years? If the answer is "yes", do what you can do solve it... if the answer is "no", move forward with your day! And if the "kill them with kindness" act doesn't work for you, the last thing I will suggest to do, is simply just IGNORE THE HATE. As hard as that might be, it'll be worth it in the end when you are standing tall while karma is on it's way. Always surround yourself with those who hype you up, that you can lean on at all times and that will defend you when time comes.
So starting this week, before you go to sleep tonight- I challenge you to list at least three positive words/phrases/people/actions that fill you and allow you to continue pushing through the ugly... wake up the next day putting them into the works.
1. my determination and ambition
2. my ability to see into myself and others
3. my supportive family and friends
Best,
Xoxo, MJ