I do not have a before and after photo of my leg, because it looks the exact same from the outside... but the inside is a different story. And though this shouldn't be considered under the "luscious" tag, I decided to add this topic in because I want to explain in detail what I have been dealing with and prove that God works in mysterious yet incredible ways through all of us... to me, my injury is a luxury.
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After weekly and biweekly office visits to multiple doctors and twice a week sessions with a physical therapist for (now) five months, you could say it's a "little frustrating" when nothing has been found, yet my symptoms aren't getting any better and on some days, only getting worse. I've had testings like multiple x-rays, a MRI, a cat scan, a nerve conduction study and more... still, nothing was shown to be wrong with my hip and leg. But, why am I swollen like a balloon and can't straighten or bend my knee which makes me have to hobble when I walk or awkwardly walk up and down the stairs? And when I walk, why does it feel like a never ending charlie horse in the top of my leg? Or like little needles stabbing in my hip, thigh, knee and calf? Why does it feel like the bone is about to pop out of my hip? Why is it that every time I sit or lay down, from my hip to my toe does my leg/foot go numb and feel like it's "asleep"? Why can't I sleep comfortably or receive a full nights rest without the pain waking me up or being stiff from only laying on my right side? Or sit in one position for longer than 20 minutes? If you couldn't find anything wrong with my body, why am I in pain 24'7... literally? Pain that I have to "massage out" in order to feel better for the time being, but painful when there is much touch to it?... Frustrating.
CRPS has seemed to be the verdict. Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome. What the heck is that, you might ask? A fun little disorder caused by trauma to the nerve, that didn't directly damage the nerve but damaged the tissue around it. There isn't any way to fully know if this is what a person has other than to rule out everything else. The greatest part is, there is no cure for this disorder. There aren't any medications to get rid of it or healing remedies other than, for me, heating pads or hot baths. And it can be permanent, or at least semi-permanent. If you can't grasp my sarcasm in how "great" this diagnosis is, let me just tell you, I'm being 110% sarcastic... it... sucks!!!
Though I have a longer list of symptoms than one's average grocery list, I am beyond thankful that this was all that was wrong with my entire body after the ending result of the car that I was in. Yes, some days the pain is worse than others and I feel that cutting it off would be easier than dealing with the pain, but the truth of the matter is... I still have my leg. I still have my life. I am able to feel the pain. I am able to walk. I am not restricted to anything important. Yes, it sucks that I look stupid and there isn't anything I can do for it and that I don't know when or if this will work it's way out... but God got me and I wouldn't ask for a healed leg.
I have asked God so many times why He saved me from the wreck... why He didn't take me home like He has taken so many others, but then I realized that my time here isn't finished. God has a plan for me. He needs me to do things here for Him before I leave... maybe it's obvious things that I will know when the time comes, maybe it isn't clear to me but I am still working through Him, maybe it's with my injury... maybe it's not? Whatever it may be, I am more than grateful to have a powerful Father, a supportive family, helpful friends and a life to live.
This post isn't to complain about what I deal with every day, it's to prove that something horrific can happen to you and you can still push through anything with God and your own determination. It's to explain that you may not ever understand what someone is dealing with, mentally or physically. What you let affect you will decide everything else around you. It hurts, sure, but it's not holding me back from anything I want to do. Maybe that's my personality or how I was raised, but knowing that I have such a powerful relationship with God that he wakes me up everyday is all I need in order to keep going... what keeps you going when you are in physical, mental or emotional pain?
If you need anything, to talk, to join, to even just be in silent company, please do not hesitate to come to me... trust me, I've been through it all, I am here... for... you!!!