"Everyone has their own demons." That phrase is so easily passed around, but how true is that statement? For me, my demons have many hats.
Mental illness is a topic that is thrown around way too easily and thrown away way too quickly. As the world re-populates, so do our demons. Passed down and passed down, these illnesses are becoming too normal in our society, yet no one truly knows how to talk about them. Sure, we like to say "you don't know how it feels" or shrug it off like it's not really controlling you, trust me, I know. But I've grown to see that others truly do know what it feels like and those demons love to control you as much as they can.
I suffer from bipolar disorder. A mix between bp1 and bp2, meaning I can go into highs for a long period and lows for a long period or the highs and lows can switch on and off like a light switch at any moment. I never understood this growing up, I just thought I was a brat and that I just got annoyed easily or excited too quickly. The older I got, the fiercer it got to the point where thoughts of suicide came into the picture many times. I kept a wall up about therapy or medication because I had heard so many horror stories about the two and didn't want to admit to myself that there was something wrong that needed fixing by either one, but I caved and tried it. I never knew if it really worked or not, I still felt the same majority of the time and the medicine often made me physically sick so I wouldn't take it religiously. Maybe that's why I stopped taking it altogether or maybe I finally learned ways to control them myself.
But moods aren't the only thing these demons like to control, they control your thoughts on life or "how life should be", they allow you to come up with these alternate realities that you live in until you realize they aren't real... and because they aren't real and aren't realistic, you shut down. They not only control moods and realities, they control your vision. The vision on how you view yourself on the inside and outside, the vision on how you view others... the vision on how you believe others view you to where you're scared to know the truth. Not only do these demons control your mood, realities and vision, they like to control your mind and tell you what they want to you to hear and believe. Loud obvious noises. Vivid screams of no trace. Lies that you're not good enough and that you're alone... you're not.There are so many things that these demons like to control and it's okay to know that they are there but conquering them and taking back the control is the hard part. I wish I could give tips on way I've learned but I'm still learning.
I don't believe it's something that will go away, whether you take medication or not. I don't believe God cursed anyone with it and as powerful as my God is, I don't believe He will take it away from you if you ask Him too. I think every one has their demons for a reason and it makes you who you are. I am learning to love myself with these demons and how to silence them when they start to come into the light but I also know it will take time and it won't always work.
I hope to be here for any readers who suffer with any type of mental illness and want to help in any way that I can. This can be a very touchy subject for many people so if this is something you are battling and do not want to come to someone and talk about it, send me an anon message in the contact tab, I may not know who you are but I know you're battles are real and I know it's not easy conquering them alone.
For immediate help, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. It's not an embarrassing call, it's a call that could save your life.