Honestly, babes, let's just jump into today's topic... we are getting down and dirty in REALNESS.
I, as most people whether they admit it or not, am the type to always compare myself to others. Just last night I texted my best friend all tore up because I was comparing myself to an Insta-famous teenager.
[ Insta-famous: Someone who has millions of followers on social media which in turn makes them as popular as celebs but primarily only on social media platforms. ]
Why am I worried about comparing myself to a teenager who just so happens to have a major audience on social media? Because, in my mind, she is more attractive? Especially at a younger age? Because she is well-known? Because she has a confident and glamorous life? Because she is beyond talented at something that I would look ridiculous doing? Because she seems to have a great relationship/friendships? Why should that matter to me...? Congrats to her, that's exciting! Even without someone being a social media star, I do the same thing with people I see everyday. Is it because they are more popular? More talented? More social? More successful? Richer? Smarter? Prettier? Whatever the reason that I see as something that I don't necessarily have, I become so discouraged with myself and it sticks with me. Don't you dare lie and say you don't do the same thing, girlfriend, because it's natural. Some people will have a slight discouraging moment then have a "Beyonce realization" as they remember who they are and move on, while others let it sink in and it ultimately destroys their day or longer. I decided to tackle this topic today, not only because it hit me while stalking homegirl's feed last night, but also because as I was creating my new Instagram page for Xoxo, MJ ( @blogsxmj on Instagram only) I began seeing three (to my knowledge) subtweets on Twitter indirectly to me at how "hilarious" it was that I "thought this was going anywhere" or how "people will do anything for attention".
[ Subtweet: A direct tweet to someone without tagging their @ name to not seem confronting, obvious and most commonly as a negative or insulting comment. ]
How do I know they were talking about me? I don't. But the shoe did fit considering it was just minutes after I promoted my new page. Did this bother me? Yes. Did it stop me? Thankfully, no. Our generation especially, lives in a society where social media runs everything around us. It can either break us down or build us up. Our generation is also obsessed with being "known", society has taught us that the more "followers" the better.
[ Followers: The audience you have on social media. When "following" someone, you are able to see their content on your timeline as soon as they post. ]
We compare ourselves majority of the time based on this. Some people will do the most to get followers; the way they post, pose, edit, joke and promote themselves. One of my ex-friends (sorry not sorry) always asked me how many "followers" I had and when I didn't have as many as her, she would die laughing as if I was less of a person than she was because of this. I was a social media minor in college and we were drilled with learning about how to use social media platforms for professional purposes but to also be careful because there are fine lines when it comes to running accounts even for businesses, let alone as personal pages. Why do we let other people control us, directly or not? Face-to-face or online. We are all unique in our own way, right? We all have something to offer, we all are beautiful, we all have dreams and talents that can easily overlap with someone else's but that doesn't mean we have to compete against each other! When I decided to revamp this blog, I was so afraid that no one would care... I had created multiple blogs before so I automatically assumed people would judge me for trying again. I knew several people who had truly successful blogs or profiles at the time, so my initial thought was, "why would people want to read mine when someone else around us has a great page with tons of viewers already?" I stepped out and did it anyways because whether I have viewers or not, this page is mine and for me. Since revamping, the outcome has been amazing. I have grown so much as an individual, I have gained numerous new friends, I had a group of girls that I mentored for a while and now have a lot of opportunities coming my way because of it. Yet I still struggle almost daily with whether I should continue or not due to the fear of competition or not being taken seriously. As humans we naturally compare ourselves to others because our brains tell us we have to be on top at all times. That isn't true, AT ALL. Do what makes YOU happy. If there is something you want to do or accomplish, GO FOR IT. Who cares if people aren't supportive because somewhere in this world someone will be. And if the people around you try to break you down; you don't need them in your life anyways so might as well prove them wrong. I have always been taught that the ones in your life who try to ruin your happiness are the ones who are the most insecure with themselves. This is one of the truest statements. When someone has to go out of their way to be negative and decide for you that whatever it is that is making you happy is wrong, they are simply just trying to be in control of your life, your happiness, your whatever just because they aren't happy with whatever it is they are doing. Jealousy is an evil thing, stay away from it as much as you can. It's seriously so much more work to be negative and drag someone down than it is being positive and throwing out all of the support that you can. I LOVE supporting people, whether I necessarily like what they are doing or not, because compliments fuel confidence and confidence is the greatest thing someone can have. If you don't like something someone is doing and you aren't going to be supportive anyways, keep quiet. For example, this blog. If you don't like it or like me, that is completely fine but you might as well keep the negative comments to yourself because in the end, that won't change anything. I get it, it's hard to not feel in competition with people or be envious of them because of their success but always understand that they are not you and no one EVER could be as amazing as you... they are just a different type of amazing. No harm there.
Here are some ways I have learned, for me, to not fall in the pit of comparison:
1: Delete/unfollow the person I am comparing myself to on social media or try as hard as I can to not be around them out in public. They will probably get sassy because apparently in today's day, unfollowing is being childish... it's not, if anything it is being more mature because it decreases the amount of drama and self-hate. This is always a win in my opinion.
2: Find something that makes you feel incredibly confident and do it every single day. Mine, sleeping in a silk gown and keeping my room clean. This will get your mind off of whatever makes you feel less about yourself and creates a positive mindset going into every day. Don't force it, it may take a few tries to figure out what makes you feel the best about yourself while doing this practice.
3: Figure out what you are comparing or what people say that is hurting you, then recreate it in your life. For example, mine from last night; I was obsessed with the way the girl on Instagram looked and the way she lived her life while the people around me were doubting me... I, now, will work on my image: work out until I am happy with my body, practice my makeup, grow my hair out, be more specific on what I wear... then obviously, not quitting my blog just because someone from hicktown thought it was dumb. I'm not changing my image because I'm jealous, I'm just not happy with it and seeing her gives me more motivation to do something about it because for some reason it was in the back of my mind while scrolling. I'm not going to be cocky when it comes to my blog or my passions but I'm also not letting someone else take a dig at me when they have no say in the matter. Be cautious of why you want to recreate the act, do it for the right reason and always do it in a healthy/more positive way.
4: Take a breather. Whether this means just sitting your phone down or staying home for the weekend to recoup, or completely getting off social media for a while to refuel yourself. Again, I will get to this topic a little later, but a technology detox always helps me whenever social media becomes too controlling in my life. You do not have to delete your entire account but deleting just the apps off of your phone and getting something else to occupy your time will truly do the trick. My get-away app are always games or Pinterest (if you think my boards are overloaded now, just wait until I do my technology detoxes).
This week, I challenge you to try some of these tips and create your own practices to decrease the amount of comparisons in your life or whatever it is that is degrading to you. You are extraordinary! You have so much going for you whether you see it or not yet, work for what you want no matter what people may say. I am so proud of you and cannot wait to see you succeed. Things may be hard at times but don't let anyone or anything get in your way!
As always...
Xoxo, MJ
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